Some “experts” will tell you that after losing someone you love, it takes about 14 days for life to get back to normal. What they don’t tell you is that’s for everybody but you!
Weeks after the death of someone close, it’s easy to feel as though you’ve slipped under the radar, as friends and family return to their busy lives.
Here are 3 things I wish someone had told me during my darkest times of grief:
1) You are not super woman/ man. And you don’t have to pretend you are. You’ve been through what might have been the most crushing loss of your life, so stop playing like everything’s OK when it’s not. (I’m talking to myself here!) The moment you admit your inability to conquer this mountain alone is the moment your burden will begin to feel lighter. Ask someone you love and trust to pray for you. It sounds simple, but the impact will be profound.
Esther Fleece’s “No More Faking Fine,” is a powerful message of love, pain, loss and ultimately healing. In Esther’s words, “…scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.” If you’re faking fine like I was, you don’t want to miss this extraordinary book.
2) Grief is sneaky. You’re having a peaceful day or week, when from out of nowhere a wave or “Tsunami of sadness” knocks you over. In an instant a melody, a fragrance -my mom’s Estee’ Lauder White Linen perfume; or a long forgotten photo carries you right back to how you felt in the beginning of your journey through grief.
If that’s you, you are in good company. Last week this photo of my hilarious sister-in-law, Kay with my Mom, Beazy suddenly appeared in the wrapping paper drawer. Who put that there?! I smiled as salty tears streamed down my face.
Crazy thing is, Kay graduated to Heaven 2 ½ years ago, and Mom, in 1999. Please know, from one who writes books about grief, for crying out loud- that no matter how long it’s been… when a Tsunami sneaks up on you, it’s OK to cry, and it’s also OK to smile!
3) You’re stronger than you think you are. Sometimes in the deepest valleys of sorrow we just need somebody to tell us we’re going to make it, and that the pain will not always be this intense. Friends, that’s my message to you today.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and isolated today, call God’s name… out loud! He will be there on the sleepless nights and when the sun comes back up, before you sneak your super hero cape back on!
July challenge: Will you wake up a little early tomorrow and spend a few quiet moments with the Lord? Tell Him exactly what’s on your heart- every good, bad, happy, sad unfiltered thought you’re thinking. Then sit quietly and listen. You may want to write about your experience in a notebook or journal.
It was in those quiet early morning meetings, my heart began to heal. I believe yours will, too.