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Lifeline

life∙line/ˈlīfˌlīn/ Support that enables people to survive or to continue doing something (often by providing an essential connection)

The first time I heard the term “lifeline” related to grief was from my dear friend, Patti. Almost five years ago Patti’s life changed forever when a violent crime took the life of her beautiful twenty-six year old daughter, Anne. There are no words to adequately describe her journey through sorrow since Anne’s death; yet somehow Patti continues to find strength to wake up every morning and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

She is often asked how she keeps going. I’ve noticed people lean in to listen whenever Patti speaks now, not wanting to miss a single word. She is quick to talk about her Christian faith. Patti’s quiet confidence and unshakable hope for the future inspire the very people who are there to encourage her.

The next thing she might tell you about are her lifelines. Patti’s lifelines are the trusted friends who were at her side when Anne died. They are people who not only pray for her, but pray with her anytime day or night. These lifelines have been there for birthdays, anniversaries and times she thought about giving up. Around them Patti doesn’t have to clean up the pain or pretend everything is okay. They make her feel safe.

Another invaluable lifeline has been her gifted and compassionate professional counselor. Since connecting with an excellent grief therapist, Patti has been able to keep moving forward on the road of healing, and start looking ahead to the future. Her story of survival is now offering hope and encouragement to other moms and dads grieving the unthinkable loss of a child.

What About You? Do you have a lifeline walking with you, a friend or maybe a group of people who understand what you’re going through? If you’d like help finding support, a local pastor or hospice provider can be an excellent place to start.

You don’t have to go through grief alone.

Do you ever do the same thing over and over and expect a different result? 

The death of someone you care about deeply is one of life’s most difficult challenges. It’s easy to fall into a rut of doing the same things day after day, leaving you lonely and feeling stuck in the sorrow. If you’re struggling to move forward would you consider trying something different to help break through the intense sadness? Hopefully one of these ideas will help:

Help yourself first.  Remember the crew on your last airplane flight, instructing you to “place the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others?” The same applies to people who are grieving. Whether it’s an early morning walk, listening to music or creating something artistic, being intentional to take care of yourself will help as you journey through a time of grief.  

Remember. Memories of your loved one’s life are treasured gifts to keep close in your heart. Take some time to record memorable stories and save photos in a notebook or journal. Remembering happier times is a beautiful way to honor the person you’re missing, and allow some light into a challenging season of life.

Get help. People who have been where you are now can be a great source of hope and encouragement. It might take a few visits to know if a support group is a good fit for you, but don’t give up. A caring group or maybe professional grief therapist can provide a safe place to process traumatic loss.

You never know what you might see in Wal-mart. Last week some early morning  shoppers got an unexpected eyeful in the produce aisle, when a middle-aged woman reached for an avocado. It wasn’t the avocado drawing the crowd as much as the middle school-sized shorts she was wearing. As the woman stretched out to reach the ripe fruit, shoppers noticed on the back of her short shorts, 4" block letters spelling out MARGARITAVILLE. Thank you, Jimmy Buffet.  

I was polite and relatively discreet, but sometimes you just have to laugh. It’s okay. 

When you’re going through a difficult season, it can feel strange to laugh in the midst of pain. I remember how I felt  after losing my mom. It had only been a few days since her sudden death, but when something funny happened I caught myself for a second wondering if it was okay to laugh. Or would I be perpetually sad, all day every day forever?

The answer, thankfully was absolutely NOT! Of course there were lots of tears; but eventually I realized how cleansing and energizing it was to laugh. Is there someone in your life who knows how to light up a room and make you smile? Do yourself a favor and hang out with them.  

When you’re facing a tough season, you may want to designate some time each day think about and process the reality of what has happened. Instead of running from the pain, running to it can help in the journey through it. But never forget you will laugh again, hopefully sooner than later!

So, tomorrow at Wal-Mart when the bald headed deli manager walks up with a hairnet on… go ahead. Get your sliced turkey, but recognize some things are just funny. It’s okay to laugh.

Have you ever noticed a vine growing up a chair, inside? Finding this craziness today inside our screened porch surely made no sense. Do they make Round Up for inside?  

How about when serious life events don’t make sense?  

Whether you’re trying to find your way after loss, or maybe you’ve just heard a scary diagnosis from the doctor life can leave you feeling out of control and frantic. If your first reaction to bad news is freaking out and running screaming into the street with your hair on fire, you’re not alone. Panic is generally my default reaction, too. 

This week I’ve witnessed an incredible family. No one expected the news, nobody likes it, but they’ve been thrown the medical curve ball of a lifetime- a shocking cancer diagnosis. After taking a little time to allow the news to sink in, the family came up with a game plan. Here are a few excerpts from their playbook:        

                       (edited slightly to keep our PG rating)

* “You never beat a tough opponent by lying down and doubting yourself” Are you  just going to let something else win? No! Let’s toughen up!!!

* Constantly affirm, “I am strong, healthy and fit” over and over again especially when things hurt.

* No moping and hanging around mopey people! They are downers and doubters. We don’t have time for that. We still love them, but they are not allowed to hang around.

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If you’re facing a giant today, remember you are stronger than you think. You can get through this. If you’ve never read Philippians 4:6, check it out. Here are a few highlights:

1) don’t be anxious, 2) tell God what’s on your heart, 3) be thankful, 4) He will guard your heart and mind with the peace of Christ.

If anxiety is dominating your thoughts and keeping you awake at night, did you know you can ask Jesus to cover third shift?  He will.

Don’t be anxious, pray, be thankful, peace will come. 

Speaking with the Heart Strings group was different than any assignment I can remember. These ladies share a journey no one would ever sign up for, the loss of a child. There are no words to describe the unquenchable sorrow their families have experienced, yet somehow in this room I could sense there was still hope. The monthly meetings offer a safe place to talk, share pictures and honor the lives of precious children with people who understand. At Heart Strings it’s okay to cry, but it’s also okay to laugh.

I asked the group if they knew of any helpful resources for others who have experienced profound loss. Their response was a resounding, yes! They had found a treasure I had not yet discovered, Sarah Young’s devotion book, “Jesus Calling.” Regardless of their faith background, the women seemed to agree this book was something special. One mom told me the daily messages often speak the exact words she needs to hear to give her hope for the day. The next morning I bought my first copy. Since then, I buy ten at a time. I love the way the brief devotional messages offer nuggets of truth, backed by God’s word. ”Jesus Calling” is not just for people who are grieving, but can bring encouragement to anyone. Don’t miss this timeless treasure! There’s even an app for your smartphone.   

I’m grateful for groups like Heart Strings and The Compassionate Friends- sharing life and hope with other families who have lost a child. 

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx