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Emergency Landing
Every year flight attendants go through extensive training to keep you safe when you fly. You may have heard it so many times you can sleep through the safety demo, but a serious part of the pre-flight announcement addresses what to do in ‘the unlikely event of an emergency.” One of the scenarios flight crews practice over and over is bracing for an anticipated emergency landing. Should this extremely rare situation occur, which it thankfully never did in my 25 year career, I felt prepared and knew exactly what to do.
The late night call about my mom’s death came with absolutely no warning or bracing time, and the impact was devastating. It didn’t take long before the tempory anesthesia of shock began to wear off and the painful reality set in. It was impossible to imagine what life would look life without her, my #1 life cheerleader, ‘Beazy.’
I remember waking one morning with a palpable fear of forgetting about her. How would I keep memories fresh…growing up in our way less-than-perfect, but ridiculously entertaining home? Two parents, psychotic canines, five loud kids and countless strays (hungry kids) stopping by at mealtime. It was that morning I started to write.
Some surprising things happened as I wrote in my spiral journal. The Beazy stories definitely brought some tears, but gradually I began to feel my smile coming back. Writing was making my heavy heart feel a little lighter. As memories and photos, even some recipes were safely preserved on paper the fear of forgetting about my mom began to fade away. I had a comforting place to go to remember her.
So, what about you? Maybe you’ve gotten traumatic news with no time to brace. If that’s your story, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I don’t pretend to know what’s going on in your heart; but I do believe there’s something you can do, even today to help keep your memories fresh. Get a journal, and start to write. The story of a life is priceless, and much too important to be forgotten.
Hanging On Through the Holidays
The music, smell of gingerbread, and shimmering lights usually stir up warm holiday memories, but this year something is missing. Actually someone is missing, and the holiday cheer seems to be making things worse.
My most intense journey of grief came suddenly, beginning weeks before the holidays with the death of my mom. “Beazy” was more than a mom; she was my best friend. The thought of Christmas without her was impossible to imagine. If you’ve lost someone close this year, you may understand. Maybe you’re wondering how you’ll be able to hang on through the holidays. If you’re tempted to pull the covers over your head and hibernate through December, don’t give up. Hopefully one of these quick tips will bring a smile this season.
Keep it fresh.
You may have seen Beazy on the interstate. She was the cautious driver with loud Christmas music playing and a wreath on her blue Honda. After her death, some of the most comforting moments I recall were spent writing in my journal, remembering her hilarious stories. The journal was also a safe place, somewhere I didn’t have to pretend everything was okay. You might want to consider creating a place to keep your memories, photos, and special recipes. Telling the classic stories of the person you’re missing this holiday season and in years to come is a beautiful way to honor their memory.
Keep it Simple.
Can you imagine December without a manic pace of cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping, and events? Would you consider taking a break from the insanity this year, and experiencing the parts of the holidays you love? With the hard work of grief, this is a perfect time to think about letting stressful holidays go, maybe forever. Whether you’ll be celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah, simplifying your schedule can create a little calmness during a chaotic season of life.
The Blessing Box.
Is there a gift your loved one gave you, not a tangible gift but something else? Think about something you received, because they were part of your life. Maybe it was the gift of laughter or compassion. Dr. Darcie D. Sims, Director of the American Grief Academy, suggests writing whatever comes to your mind on small strips of paper and putting them in a box. Keep the box somewhere close. Whenever you open your blessing box, you’ll be reminded of the person you’re missing and the unique gifts they gave you. One of the treasured gifts in my blessing box is the unconditional love Beazy gave me. I’m smiling right now just thinking about her gift.
Hold your priceless gifts close this holiday season.
*special thanks to Dr. Darcie D. Sims, PhD for sharing the beautiful blessing box. http://www.griefinc.com
Grief is a thief… but also a gift
Our friend Clayton lost his hero a few weeks ago. Even though Clayton knew it was coming soon, he describes the death of his dad as much more than loss. In his words, it feels more like an amputation. “Grief is a thief… but also a gift”