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The music, yummy aromas and shimmering lights all conjure up memories of the most wonderful time of the year. But when you’re missing someone you love, the holidays can magnify the deep loss you’re feeling. 

When my family lost a couple of our closest and favorite people – different years, but both within days of the holidays, “merry and bright” felt 1000 miles in the rear view mirror. Maybe you understand what I’m talking about.  

So, how do you not only make it through the holidays, but create some sweet moments to savor?  Hopefully these three quick tips will help: 

Keep it Simple

Imagine November and December without a manic pace of cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping and endless events. You can make it happen, but it might take a little rethinking what you’ve always done and embracing a little extra white space on your calendar. 

If cooking, house guests or shopping spark joy for you, by all means do those things. But if there’s part of your holiday routine that multiplies the madness, give yourself permission to stop the insanity! 

Schedule intentional evenings at home by the fire sipping a warm beverage with your closest people. Say yes to the activities you love, and no to the rest. Being kind to yourself can create a sense of calm, even during a chaotic season. 

Keep Your Sanity

Spend more time with people and doing things that energize you- and less with any that  suck the living daylights out of  exhaust you.  

Keep it Fresh

Write the good stuff in a journal. Record sweet, serious or fun stories of the person you’re missing. 

Stories like the day my hilarious sister-in-law, Kay offered me the keys to her  metallic purple dune buggy- to drive to high school! Clearly 7 of the coolest hours of my life!.  

And the time she (black belt in shopping and all things NYC) led a girl trip to The City for 2 days of Hard Rock Cafe, Broadway, Carmines and of course full contact shopping! Good thing no boys were invited on Kay’s girl trip. NY shopping would have felt like fishing with the game warden. 🙂 

This holiday season I hope you’ll find time to: 

* create a place to keep memories, photos and recipes. 

* cook up one of those yummy recipes, grab a warm beverage and curl up by the fire.

* tell, retell and celebrate the stories of the person you’re missing. They’re much too important to be forgotten! 

Here’s a super helpful article – 64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays from our friends at What’s Your Grief. 

We invite you to visit the Grief Survivor Facebook page- and share some of your holiday tips.  

Photo cred: Dilyara-garifullina on Unsplash 

It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years this week since my best friend/ mom, Beazy’s sudden death. She and her handsome new husband Herb, (aka Herbie the Love Bug) were living their best life nestled in the beautiful NC Blue Ridge Mountains.

Nobody could have ever guessed their happily ever after would end so suddenly. 

In the days and weeks that followed the shock of our lifetime- my brothers,  sisters and I scrambled to figure ways to make the holiday season feel a little less devastating. What would Beazy do? 

She would:

make a plan and gather with her closest people.

turn up the music and cook up all things pumpkin spice.

dress all the small people in her hand-smocked holiday dresses and smocked jumpsuits superhero outfits for the little boys. 

open her home to anyone who didn’t have family in town.

remind us of her signature statement, “there’s no problem with Beazy.” 

make sure the people she loved most knew it. Every single day.  

How about You? 

If you’re missing someone right now, you might be wondering what the holidays will look like. I want to remind you that You are Not Alone! Consider gathering with your closest people to share funny memories, music and a meal that reminds you of them. Nothing fancy, just a time and space to celebrate someone who is much too important to be forgotten! 

Do you have a favorite story about your loved one? Please share it with us on the Grief Survivor Facebook page.     

This NewSpring Church article has a few tips for the holidays; and here is one that might help in the season to come.

God’s peace, my friends.  

Hey you…
Yea you…
The one who thinks the world may be better off without you…
The one who may think that you don’t have it in you to love another day…
I’ve got news for you.
You. Make. Today. Better.
You. Matter. Very. Much.
We. Need. You. Here.
You’ve. Got. This.
Today is National Suicide Prevention Day.
Every year 800,000 people die from suicide.
That’s 1 person every 40 seconds.
For every death there are 25 additional attempts.
In the last 10 years suicide rates have increased MORE THAN 70% in kids ages 10-17.
It’s 4 times higher in the LGBTQ community.
WE CAN’T STAY SILENT ABOUT THIS AND HOPE IT GETS BETTER.
That’s 800,000 too many people.
So today I want all of you to let everyone you come in contact with that they make today better.
Suicide is real.
But so is HOPE.
We can end the epidemic.
My friends @twloha are attempting to sponsor 3,000 counseling sessions for those in need this year.
I understand that sometimes you can’t outsmart your feelings. It’s ok. You don’t have to.
If you are thinking about suicide please reach out to a friend or text TWLOHA to 741741.
I’m standing in front of some photos of some of my reasons to live. They need me. We need you.
#WSPD2019 #YouMakeTodayBetter

Thank you for this, Carlos Whittaker.

This NewSpring Church article is my family’s personal story of life after losing a loved one to suicide.   Please join us on the Grief Survivor Facebook Page and leave a comment.

What’s the scariest thing you can imagine happening? You probably don’t have to think very hard. Most of us have something in mind that would be the unimaginable, impossible-to-survive scenario.

Is it an earthquake? An IRS audit? A frightening medical diagnosis? Flushing your iPhone?

What if one of these scary scenarios really happened?

The crazy thing about “what ifs” is that most of the time, they never actually occur.

I want to introduce you to my friend, Jesse Roberts. Jesse is a really smart guy- and a survivor. By the time he was 16, Jesse had already experienced most kids’ worst nightmare- the loss of both of his parents. Even though Jesse has been through immeasurable adversity, he is still standing, and is stronger than ever.

I love the way he has allowed his pain to help shape his purpose- a life devoted to helping other people. Jesse recently opened his own practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor…Wow. I love his heart!

Jesse and I have talked about the value of living in the moment, and enjoying exactly where you are right now, as a powerful weapon against anxiety.

Embracing the present will crush the ‘what ifs’ running through your mind.

And even if the [terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad] thing ever did happen- you’d only have to experience it ONCE!

Wise words, Jesse. Thanks, I needed that.

This year might be your first Father’s Day since losing your Dad, a beloved child or another important person in your life. Or maybe it’s been a while. Either way, Father’s Day can be tough when a piece of your heart’s puzzle is missing.

Here are three tips I hope might help:  

In the words of theologian John Mayer, Say What You Need to Say. As the weather starts to sizzle, you may be tempted to turn the AC to full blast and settle in for a little summer hibernation. While time alone is important, it’s easy to slip from healthy alone time to full on isolation.

After losing my mom, and then my dad a few short years later, my comfy safe place definitely became home, all by myself. Sadly, a steady diet of time alone can become a lonely place where you start believing the sneaky little voice whispering, “life will always be this painful,” or “nobody cares about you.” Don’t believe the lies!  

It might be tough at first, but call someone. Let them know how you’re doing. Really. If you don’t have a friend, family or pastor close by, pray the Lord will send someone to walk alongside you. He’s awesome like that, and really does hear our prayers.

Stir up Memories. Since losing several of our finest family people, one of my favorite things about holidays has become telling and retelling their funny stories.

Did I mention my Dad was a free spirit… some might say a bit eccentric?  Like the time he bought $1000 of black velvet “Elvis Art” from a street vendor, and tried to incorporate it into our living room decor?  I know Dad was just trying to help a brother out, but seriously? All I can say is, “Thank you. Thank you very much.“

Another inspiring way to celebrate the person you’re missing is to invite friends on social media to share memories and photos. A fresh story or photo of your loved one will be pure gold!

Be Still. Tomorrow morning, rather than hitting the ground running, would you take a few moments to be still?  What would it look like to wake up up fifteen minutes early, find a quiet cozy place away from the noise and distraction, and spend the first precious moments of your day with the Lord? If you’re new to early morning quiet times, the (free!) YouVersion app has thousands of excellent devotions available, including the Grief Survivor 8 day study.