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This Mothers’ Day I’m thinking about not only my mom, “Beazy,” but also about my one-in-a-million grand mom, Nana! Both will be celebrating the day in Heaven. I wonder, since we know there will be no sadness, carb counting or keto craziness in heaven~ what if they will celebrate the day with one of Nana’s killer 6 layer chocolate cakes?! Is that cake making your mouth water right now, too? 

One of my family’s favorite traditions for keeping memories of our loved ones fresh is to stir up an email conversation on special days. Cousin Drew might start the day with a story about Nana’s steel magnolia-ish approach for getting home projects accomplished. “While you’re on your feet…” could you possibly clean out the gutters? knock down the cob webs? paint the guest room? 

Another family member might “reply-all” with a story about Nana dressed in her starched white uniform (and hat!) on her way to work. She was a Nursing Supervisor at Emory Hospital in Atlanta; but her proudest chapter was serving as a private duty nurse for baseball legend, Ty Cobb. I can guarantee you his room didn’t have any cob webs while Nana was his boss nurse. 

In the email chain there might be a grand kid’s memory about spending a solo night at Nana’s sweet cottage house, nestled in her dreamy soft pink sheets. At her house, you could order whatever you wanted for breakfast, and stay up late to watch Hank Aaron and the Atlanta Braves.  

This Mothers’ Day, I’m thinking about stirring up some Nana story treasures via our family email. What if somebody could recreate that 6 layer slice of Heaven?! 

Thanks for the sweet memories, Nana, #GoBraves! 

If your family and friends created an email chain tribute to someone you’re missing this Mothers’ Day, what’s a story you might include?  Please share it on the Grief Survivor Facebook page!

It was a great honor to sit down with Davey Blackburn, host of the Nothing is Wasted Podcast for this special Mothers’ Day edition. Hope you’ll give it a listen. To hear more from Davey and his super inspiring guests like Lysa TerKeurst and Craig Groeschel, you’ll probably want to subscribe!

OK so this was cool. 

One of my favorite podcasts on the planet- 

Nothing is Wasted, was created by this amazing human- Davey Blackburn. 

The Nothing is Wasted journey began with the crushing death of Davey’s beautiful wife Amanda during an early morning home invasion. In an instant this (then Pastor of Resonate Church, Indianapolis) became a widower and a single dad. The days since have been marked by indescribable sorrow, questions, ups, downs, mourning, healing, but most recently~ pure joy.

I invite you to lean in to Davey’s story, beginning with Amanda, their son, Weston, planting Resonate Church; also his lovely new bride, Kristi and her daughter, Natalia- living proof that the Lord really can turn our darkness into dancing. 

You don’t want to miss Passing the Baton, a story Davey created about when Amanda and Kristi meet face to face one day in Heaven. Just wow.   

Yesterday I had the honor of recording a podcast with Davey. We talked about pretty much everything… life, love, helping kids who are hurting, celebrating the people we love, especially finding joy and new purpose after loss. Stay tuned for the release date! 

Few of us know the words to say at a time of intense sorrow. I surely don’t!

In the uncomfortable silence when someone’s lost a loved one, have you ever tried to fill the gap with words? Yep, me too. For some reason we’ll attempt to bring sense to a situation that really makes no sense.

Sometimes there are no words!

I would like to suggest three words for the forever “banned-after-grief” list.

Well at least…_______________________. You fill in the blank.

Well at least she died quickly. What a great way to go.[but I never got to say good bye.]

Well at least you’re young; you’ll marry again. [but I already married the one I loved most.]

Well at least you have other children. [yep, but I loved this one more than life itself.]

Well at least they had a long life. [maybe so, but surely not long enough.]

Words may momentarily fill an awkward silence, but can minimize someone’s pain, tears and mourning.  

In the wake of crushing loss, If you’ve experienced the presence of a dear friend, silently saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m with you,” you have been blessed~ probably better than 1000 words.        

If you have questions about what to say, what not to say- anything grief related, What’s Your Grief is an extraordinary site.  Check it out!

Have you ever noticed how adversity- loss of a job, a relationship, your health, a loved one… can feel a lot like crazy?

When life turns upside down, sometimes:

* you can’t sleep.
* you can’t wake up.
* you walk into a room and have no idea why you’re there.
* you drive away from the US mailbox, 98% certain you just just mailed your smart phone with your packages.
* the thought of food is disgusting.
* the idea of driving through the door of Dunkin’ Donuts seems logical.
* you think, “I can do this all by myself!”
* you realize, “I don’t have to fly solo through this!”

Some days, you just need somebody to remind you that:
1) life will not always be this hard, and
2) You Are Not Crazy.

You’re welcome.

Have you ever gotten news that literally took your breath away? Me too.

Whether it was heartbreaking loss, a scary medical diagnosis or other crushing news- sometimes life gives us more than we can handle. 

A week before Christmas my family’s world turned completely upside down with a late night call. I don’t remember the details- only a few terrifying words about our son, Michael. Words like, “scans, extreme pain, lymph nodes,

emergency surgery …” Within minutes we had packed whatever we could find and started the 3 ½ hour drive to Charleston, SC.

Christmas week and the weeks since have been filled with sweet family time, doctor visits, world-class friends and one of the scariest words in the English language.

 As author, Lysa TerKeurst puts it, “there’s no easy way to attach the word cancer to your world and not make all who love you cry. (It’s Not Supposed to be this Way book.) 

We are thankful a couple brilliant doctors at Duke and MD Anderson have assured us that the surgery removed the bad stuff– but that treatments will be an “insurance policy” for the future. Well alrighty then. Treatments started this week, and we fully believe Michael is healed, by Jesus’ mighty power. Amen. 

There are a couple things I’ve noticed during this really tough chapter. If you’re in a, “more than I can handle” season right now, I hope they help you, too. 

Tears Are a Really Good Thing

Last week, when I mentioned Michael’s situation to a complete stranger, an embarrassing and sudden Tsunami of tears erupted. Half a box of Kleenex later, I was finally able to catch my breath. The tearful pattern continued on and off all day long. Surely I must be losing my mind, I thought.

The next day, I spoke with a counselor friend and casually asked if he thought I was going crazy. Ever been there? He was so compassionate to assure me, “you’re not going crazy. You’re a mom.” He went on to tell me that tears are actually a really good thing. 

All that to say, if you find yourself uncontrollably crying, or questioning, angry or whatever… please know you’re not going crazy. You’re human! And tears are actually a really good thing. 

Don’t Go it Alone

If you have one person in your life you can call day or night, no matter what, you are truly Blessed! After years of attempting to fly solo through grief, tragedy and life, I finally figured out we were never designed to face the crushingly hard stuff by ourselves!!

Today when I realized Michael had been battling intense treatment-related pain, I called up five Prayer Warrior Angel friends. Within moments, prayers from multiple states were being lifted, fearlessly and out loud- for this pain to forever leave his body! Please feel free to join this Prayer Angel Army! 

If you don’t have someone to walk with or to pray for you, I want to encourage you to ask the Lord to send them. Or, add a comment on the Grief Survivor Facebook page. I’d be honored to pray for you…and might even call up the Prayer Warrior Angels on your behalf! 

The Lord’s promise that He is close to the brokenhearted; and that He will rescue us when we’re crushed in spirit, has been a lifeline for me. My prayer is that these words (Psalm 34:18) will comfort you, too with peace and strength. 

Grief is seriously not for sissies. But during the holidays… well, it’s a whole ‘nutha level. 

I’m thinking right now about the year when Christmas was just not right. Something was missing. Actually someone was missing. It was the year my mom (aka Beazy) had died suddenly- just weeks before Christmas.

As the weeks crept by, there was one thing my brothers and sisters discovered that could make the situation feel a little less terrible, at least for a moment. It was telling Beazy stories. We realized that even though our hearts were shattered, it was still OK to laugh. Many years later, our holiday celebrations are still infused with her legacy of laughter and love. 

You could always spot Beazy on Interstate 85 between Atlanta and South Carolina. She was the grand mom in the blue Honda blasting loud Perry Como Christmas tunes – going 48 mph in the fast lane. The cooler in the back seat was  filled with gingerbread dough and a six pack of Diet Cokes. It’s all about balance, people. 

From time to time, I still love to write her a letter- mostly to say thanks. 

Dear Mom, it’s Christmas week and gracious we miss you. You would ADORE your 11 precious grand and 15 great grand people. They are hooligans passionate individuals just like we were. There are a few things I hope I’ll never forget about you: 

-the smocked Christmas dresses, and smocked jumpsuits superhero outfits you made for the little boys;

–  the year (8 year old) Amy “set up” her bedroom for you, with 100% red lights. And how thoughtful you were not to tell her it looked like a brothel. 

– the first New Years Day in my new job with Delta, when you showed up at the ATL airport with sauerkraut and pork. Who knew that re-cooked sauerkraut aroma in the First Class oven could nearly cause a Boeing 727 evacuation? 

Mom, thanks for making the holidays crazy fun, and for loving all five of your kids the most.  

Love, Beth

If you’re missing someone you love this Christmas, you are not alone. I want to encourage you to write them a letter if you’re up to it. Find time to share stories with the people you love. You may want to ask friends and family via email or social media to share a photo or memory about them. The life of someone we love is way too important to be forgotten!     

Do you have a favorite story about a person you’re missing this Christmas? Please share it with us on the Grief Survivor Facebook page.     

God’s peace, my friends.