I love my family. Like, seriously love them so much. And we love to celebrate- things like birthdays, new babies, rain, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Georgia Football, Clemson Football…I think you get the picture. Over the years when we lost three of our family favorites, several years apart but each within weeks of the holidays- I remember wondering if I’d ever feel like celebrating again.
Maybe that’s you right now, if you’re missing someone you love this holiday season.
There are a couple things I wish someone had told me back then. My hope is that one of these ideas might help somebody today.
Recognize the Reality. It was three weeks before Thanksgiving when a late night call rocked my world forever. It was the shocking death of one of the coolest people I’d ever known- my mom, aka Beazy. Mom was the glue that held our crazy family puzzle together. She loved to host holiday dinners, welcome strangers and bake gingerbread men with the grand kids. Hospitality was clearly her love language.
I wish I could tell you I navigated this unforeseen season with perfect skill and grace, but that’s actually now what happened! Her sudden death left me crushed and confused, preferring to run from the pain, rather than actually feel it. Ever done that? Crazy thing is, whether we try to anesthetize with pain meds, mac and cheese or margaritas, when you wake up and the sorrow’s still there!
Our dear friend, Clayton King shared a much healthier tip for facing the reality of loss. It was shortly after the death of his beloved mom, and then his (life hero) dad, both within 18 months. In the midst of profound grief and an unrelenting speaking schedule, Clayton made a commitment to set aside time everyday to get away from all distractions and to be still. In these quiet moments he would allow the waves of sorrow to wash over him,
rather than trying to run from the pain. Through journaling, praying and resting Clayton’s heart ultimately began to heal.
Remember and Celebrate the Goodness. Back to Beazy. Guys, she was no ordinary mom. Whether a grand kid spilled a 2 liter Coke on her formerly off-white carpet, or a kindergarten aged son carved with his tiny scissors, “I LOVE MOMY” on her mahogany dining table, she was still going to find a way to love you. No matter what. To her, people were more important than things. Always.
I want to be more like that when I grow up.
If you’re missing someone right now, remember that the story of your loved one’s life is much too important to be forgotten. I encourage you to share the memorable stories, and say the name of the person you’re missing this holiday season. Also, reaching out on social media is an excellent way to let people know you’re going through a tough season, and invite them to share a memory.
My prayer is that over time your tears of sadness will transform into tears of joy and thankfulness for the people you have loved so dearly.
Does your family have any special ways to celebrate the people you’re missing? Please share them with us- [email protected]