I love my family. Like, seriously love them so much. And we love to celebrate- things like birthdays, new babies, rain, Gerber daisies, Christmas, Georgia Football, Clemson Football. I think you get the picture. Over the years we’ve lost three of our family favorites; and I remember wondering if I’d ever feel like celebrating again.
Maybe that’s you right now, if you’re missing someone you love.
There are a couple things I wish someone had told me back then. Hopefully one of them will help someone today.
Recognize the Reality. It was just weeks before Thanksgiving when a late night call rocked my world forever. It was the shocking death of one of the coolest people I’d ever known- my mom, aka Beazy. Mom was the glue that held our crazy family puzzle together. She loved to host holiday dinners, welcome strangers and bake gingerbread men with the grand kids. Hospitality was her love language.
I wish I could tell you I navigated the season with perfect skill and grace; but my temptation was actually to run as far as I could from the pain. You may have discovered a few things that help (for a minute) ~ meds, mac and cheese, maybe margaritas? Too bad that comfort can’t last!
Our friend, Clayton King experienced unthinkable loss, with the deaths of both of his parents within 18 months. Clayton’s strategy for navigating grief was much wiser than mine. He made a commitment to set aside time everyday to get away from the noise of life and to be still. In these quiet moments he would allow the waves of sorrow to wash over him, rather than trying to run from the pain. Through journaling, praying and resting Clayton’s heart ultimately began to heal.
Remember and Celebrate the Goodness. Back to Beazy. She was honestly no ordinary mom. Even when a kindergarten kid, who shall remain nameless (John) carved, “I LOVE MOMY” with his tiny scissors- on her mahogany dining table, she found a way to keep on loving his little criminal self.
There was nothing you could ever do to change her crazy gigantic love for you. No matter what. To her, people were more important than things. Always.
I want to be more like that when I grow up.
If you’re missing someone right now, remember the story of your loved one’s life is much too important to be forgotten. I encourage you to keep the memories fresh by 1) saying their name and 2) sharing their story. Reaching out on social media is an excellent way to invite friends and family to share a photo or memory- maybe even one you’ve never seen or heard before!
It was an honor to join the phenomenal Colleen Kavanaugh on The After Life Podcast to discuss how to handle special days while grieving. Hope you’ll give it a listen.
Does your family have special traditions for celebrating an awesome person you’re missing? Please share them with us- [email protected]