The music, the smell of gingerbread and shimmering lights usually stir up warm holiday memories, but this year something is missing. Actually someone is missing, and the holiday cheer can magnify the intensity of your loss. If you’re tempted to pull the covers over your head and hibernate through December, you’re not alone.
My most difficult journey of grief began with the death of my mom, just weeks before Thanksgiving. Without warning my best friend and #1 fan was gone. Mom loved everything about the holidays. You may have seen her on the interstate- the blue Honda with the wreath on the bumper, and ridiculously loud Christmas music playing? The thought of the holidays without her was impossible to imagine.
How about You? If you’re missing someone this year you may be wondering how you’ll get through the season ahead. Hopefully these ideas will help:
Keep it Simple. Can you imagine November or December without a manic pace of cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping and events? Would you be willing to take a break from the insanity this year? Carefully scheduling only the events you enjoy, and opting out of the rest will help you maintain a sense of calm even in a season of sorrow. Give yourself permission to say no to over scheduling, and yes to people and activities that refresh you. In January, you’ll be thankful you did.
Keep it Fresh. Creating a special place for memories, photos and recipes is a beautiful way to honor the person you’re missing. Whether you share stories around a cozy fire or record them in a journal, telling and retelling the timeless tales will keep memories fresh.
The Blessing Box* Is there a gift your loved one gave you, not a tangible gift but something else? Think about something you received because they were part of your life. Maybe it was the gift of laughter or compassion. Write whatever comes to your mind on a small strips of paper, then place them in a special box. Whenever you open your blessing box this holiday season you’ll be reminded of the unique gifts your loved one gave you that will always be part of your life. One sweet reminder in my blessing box is the gift of unconditional love my mom gave me. I’m smiling right now thinking about her priceless gift.
Hold your treasured gifts closely this holiday season.
*Special thanks to Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D Director, Grief Inc. for sharing the blessing box.