Special thanks to Lucille Rosetti from TheBereaved.org for sharing this beautiful article as we prepare for the holiday season.
When you’ve lost a loved one, some of the hardest times are the holidays. If it’s the first holiday season after a loss, the pain can be even more acute. How on earth will you get through it without that person in your life?
It can be done, but it won’t be easy; grief never is. Resist the urge to crawl under the covers and sleep until Jan. 2. As nice as hibernation sounds, it’s just not what humans do. We put one foot in front of the other and slog through our trying times.
The following are some ideas to help you get through the winter holidays after losing someone you care about.
Remember Your Loved One
Avoiding discussion of your lost family member will make it seem like you’re forgetting that person, so honor him or her in your holiday rituals. You can make a memorial ornament, so you’ll have something special to remember your loved one by when you decorate the tree. You can also light a candle in memory of your loved one, make a toast, or start a new tradition.
Stay Close With Family
Cuddle a lot with a loved one, your children, or your pet. Closeness can make you feel a whole lot better. Say “I love you.” Even if you don’t come from “that” type of family, losing someone reminds you that life is precious, and you have to speak your love often. But sometimes being with family isn’t enough. The holidays are extra tough for everyone. If you haven’t already seen a therapist or joined a grief support group, start now. Also if you know someone in your usual social or family group who will cause you more stress, avoid that person. This is the time to take care of yourself.
Take Care of Yourself
When grieving, it’s important to look after yourself. Curl up by the fireplace with some hot cocoa and a good book. Don’t hesitate to buy yourself a gift and splurge on something you really want. You can even pretend it’s a gift from your lost loved one. Do your best to relax and get a massage, mani-pedi, or facial. Or all of the above! The point is to take care of you.
It’s probably also best to go easy on the alcohol. We sometimes think that drinking away the sorrow will help, and it does, for a minute. But alcohol is a depressant, which can make the grief even worse. Your hangover will remind you of that the next day. But don’t avoid fun entirely! Go sledding or go to fun parties. You never know what might get you into the holiday cheer. Just have an escape plan in case it gets too overwhelming. Tell your host that you might need a “time out” or just to go. He or she will understand.
Don’t Overdo It
Don’t overdo it. If you usually host all the family at your house or have the season’s biggest party, you don’t have to this year, or you could scale it down. Everyone will understand. If you’re struggling to cook or wrap presents or manage your household, don’t hesitate to ask for help. When people offer to help, they mean they want to help. Don’t just take it as a platitude. Feel free to forego decorations, too. If it’s too much to get it done, just let it go. There are no decoration police to give you a citation.
If you feel you just can’t face your family and need to get away, just go out of town. Nobody is going to judge you. Just beware that you might find yourself wishing you were with family. Or you might make a new holiday travel tradition.
Remember that the holidays are about love and family. Be with the ones you love and who love you and just try to make it through. The pain never goes away, but it gets easier with time.