Why “Call If You Need Anything” doesn’t help
If your world has ever been rocked by trauma- the death of a loved one, divorce, a miscarriage, a terrifying diagnosis… the list goes on- you’ve surely heard these words. “Call if you need anything!” But do we ever call?
Most people genuinely want to offer comfort, support, and kindness, but why do these well-meaning words fall flat?
We don’t know what we need. In the midst of a crushing season, it’s often all we can do to put one foot in front of the other, take a shower, and be sure the kids (and you) have on shoes. Having to think ahead, figure out meals, household needs, pets, plants, yard work may be way beyond what your mind can handle right now.
So, how can I help when I don’t know what they need? I heard the loveliest idea on Annie F. Downs’ phenomenal That Sounds Fun podcast- episode 910 with Willow Creek Community Church Teaching Pastor, Megan Fate Marshman. Since the sudden death of her beloved husband, Randy in 2021- Megan has learned volumes about what helps most when your world seems to collapse.
One idea she shared for reaching out is to offer three options. Rather than dropping a “call if you need anything” bomb- what would it look like to offer three practical things you can do… and asking which would be most helpful?
The Three Things offer can go something like this. “I’m available Wednesday to 1) drop off a warm meal on your front porch, 2) pick up your kids at school, take them to the park, help with their homework, feed them dinner, and deliver them- clean in pajamas at bedtime,
3) mow your lawn?
Or maybe like this. “Would it be helpful for me to 1) set up automatic bill pay on your computer, 2) provide movie and dinner gift cards, or 3) clean your gutters?”
I think you get the idea. The closer you are, the more personal your three thing list will be. For someone who isn’t as close- you might want to
- sign up on a Meal Train list to deliver a meal on a certain day… often a “drop and run” is more helpful than visiting.
- sending an encouraging note, along with a coffee, Target, or an awesome local gift card
- leave a bag of fun things at the door for the kids. Text to let your friend know it’s there.
- for more helpful ideas, like designating a “point person” to keep things organized- please check out this episode (#302) of the Nothing is Wasted podcast, where host Davey Blackburn and I cover lots more helpful ways to be a great friend when your friend is hurting.
Well, that’s it for today. What other ideas would you add to the “three things” list?!! Please share them here on my FB page. Thanks, y’all.