My friend Mandy is one extraordinary lady. Our friendship is one of those rare, honest, hilarious gifts that comes along, say once every hundred years or so.
To say Mandy is a survivor would be the understatement of the century. She experienced the unimaginable with the death of the love of her life, Zac– a few short years ago. In a moment, Mandy became a single mom to their three world-class kids. She was only 32.
What inspires me most about her is how, no matter what life throws her way- she always gets back up. Always.
One of my favorite all time Mandy quotes is, "… grief is not weakness or lack of faith; it’s the consequence of awesome love, and that’s OK.“
Here’s a little more of the story- about Zac, Mandy and their phenomenal family. I love the way they all understand God is still God- and He is still so good.
Do you know anyone who has not only survived unthinkable loss, but has gone on to do amazing things? I want to introduce you to two of my heroes in the field of grief and loss, Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley, founders of Open to Hope Foundation.
It was a rainy night when the Horsley family’s lives were forever changed. It was the shocking news that Gloria’s beloved son, Heidi’s 17 year old brother- Scott, along with his cousin had been killed in a horrific car accident. Gloria and Heidi will be the first to tell you there were times the grief was unbearable; and they weren’t sure they’d ever be able to move past such a painful loss.
Over time and through years of hard work, their hearts began to heal. Gloria and Heidi launched Open to Hope Foundation. The goal was to offer caring resources for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. The phenomenal website has now touched over two million people in twenty six countries – through compelling articles, along with the award winning Grief Relief Radio and TV shows. This is a broadcast we recorded together called, “Finding Joy again After Loss.”
Gloria and Heidi are the real deal, with genuine caring hearts. Here are a few secrets they’ve taught me along the way:
1) There’s no time limit on grief. It takes as long as it takes, and each person’s journey is unique.
2) Don’t try this by yourself. A trusted friend or counselor who understands can really help. For anyone grieving the death of a child, the Compassionate Friends is an excellent place to connect with those who can relate to your loss.
3) Take care of yourself. One of the least selfish things you can do while grieving is to take time for yourself- get some fresh air, rest, exercise and eat good food.
4) It’s OK to always miss and honor someone you love. The goal is not to “get over” them, but to celebrate their life and keep them close to your heart.
If you are going through a difficult time of loss, please know you are not alone. I invite you to stop by Open to Hope’s beautiful site.
Thanks, Gloria and Heidi for showing the world there really can be extraordinary life, even after unthinkable loss.
I’m speaking this weekend at an event for moms who are grieving the loss of a beloved child. Wanted to re-post this story for anyone feeling alone and overwhelmed by grief right now.
A few weeks ago I experienced a freakish fall over a piece of workout equipment, resulting in three fractures in my leg. I wish I could say I had just completed 100 reps with the curling bar, but sadly the catastrophe occurred when I was putting away laundry. Note to self: no more laundry. It’s just not worth it.
The surgeon’s words were terrifying. He casually described how his team would install a titanium rod, pins and screws into the weary appendage.
I’m not telling you this for your sympathy; but to say I believe there are others today who feel like they’re barely hanging on. I wanted to share a few things I have noticed on the pathway toward healing:
– When someone offers to visit, bring dinner, help with the kids, give you the keys to their beach house- just say yes! Allowing people into the pain is an excellent way to avoid feeling alone and isolated.
– Keep a journal. Writing is incredibly therapeutic during a season of adversity. A blank notebook is the perfect place not only to record your unfiltered thoughts; but also to write about a beautiful sunset, unexpected visit from a friend, or a random act of kindness.
– Spending time early each day with the Lord is the best investment you can make right now. He is able to bring comfort and peace before anxious thoughts get the best of you. Also, if you’re feeling too busted up right now to pray, ask a trusted friend to intercede for you.
– Lean into the truth. Philippians 4:6 tells us not to worry, but to pray- with thanksgiving. And, the peace of Christ will come. On a sleepless night, you might want to turn this promise into a prayer. I’ve been known to ask the Lord to cover third shift, because I can’t handle it! He can.
– If your brokenness is a result of losing someone you love, you may want to check out this article about surviving grief without losing your mind.
What can someone do to make a difference as you begin to heal after losing someone you love? You probably have plenty of food, volumes of cards and a house full of flowers, but what kind of gift would genuinely touch your heart?
When you’ve loved and lost, memories are priceless treasures. What if there are stories about your loved one you’ve never heard? The next time a trusted friend wants to help, ask them to write a favorite memory and send it to you via mail or email. Can you imagine going to your computer or mailbox and discovering a cherished memory or picture you’ve never seen before?
As your treasures arrive, put them together in a scrapbook, memory box or journal. You’ll be reminded of the difference your loved one made in people’s lives.
Is there someone you know who might have a priceless story to share? Ask them to send it to you.
Do you have other ideas for collecting memories? Please share them!
Some “experts” will tell you that after losing someone you love, it takes about 14 days for life to get back to normal. What they don’t tell you is that’s for everybody but you!
Weeks after the death of someone close, it’s easy to feel as though you’ve slipped under the radar, as friends and family return to their busy lives.
Here are 6 things I wish I’d known about grief:
1)
Just because you aren’t getting calls and cards every day doesn’t mean people don’t care about you.
2) If grief came with a warning label, it would read, “don’t attempt this by yourself!” Talking with a trusted friend, pastor or professional counselor can help.
3) Putting on a big smile and pretending everything’s OK, when it’s really not will keep you stuck.
4) Hanging out with inspiring or funny people is good medicine.
5) Mindless movies can be great therapy.
6) You are stronger than you think you are. You will survive this.
One of my favorite websites for people who have loved and lost, is Open to Hope. Their compelling articles, Grief Relief TV and Radio broadcasts offer phenomenal encouragement as you begin to embrace life again.
What do you wish someone had told you about grief?
