Beth G. Marshall
From my journal December 27, 2014. A few hours later our amazing, beautiful and hilarious sister-in-love, Kay won her battle with brain cancer. No more pain… no more sickness. Thankful for the way she showed us what “no fear” is all about. It is well.
What do you do when the happiest season of all doesn’t seem happy at all?
Whether it’s a scary medical diagnosis, the loss of a relationship, or death of someone you love, a traumatic season of life can make the holidays feel overwhelming. Decorating, shopping, and house guests might be more than you can handle this year. Before you decide to pull the covers over your head and wake up in January or start your day with eggnog—stop! You are not alone.
It’s a temptation for many of us, especially when cool weather hits, to spend a lot of time at home, alone. Maybe you’re facing crushing circumstances right now all by yourself. The problem with isolation comes when the little voice starts whispering in your head. The lying, conniving voice telling you, “Nobody understands. Life will always be this painful. Nobody cares about you.” Don’t believe the lies.
In Perry Noble’s book, Overwhelmed, our pastor puts it this way, “… whatever is tearing you up inside, stop hiding it. The sooner you ask for help and admit you need other people, the sooner you will find relief.”
Don’t let the holidays sneak up on you. Consider doing things a little differently this year. Plan a time to talk with those closest to you about creating a strategy for the holidays. For example, this year will be the first Christmas for a dear friend since the death of her dad. She and her mom are discussing their strategy, which might include a few days in the Caribbean.
Would a change in location, menu, or traditions be helpful this year? If the thought of decorating, entertaining, or gift buying is making you hyperventilate, it’s OK to bring it all down a notch. Do whatever works for you.
Tomorrow morning, rather than hitting the ground running, would you take a few moments to be still? Wake up up 15 minutes early, find a quiet cozy place away from the noise and chaos, and spend the first precious moments of your day with the Lord.
Psalm 34:18 promises, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
You can know His indescribable peace when you invite Him in. Check out Hope Is for encouragement this Christmas season.
December… beautiful Phoenix, Arizona.. Inner Peace Getaway. Sounds refreshing, right?
The weekend was indescribably more. This American Widow Project getaway was an opportunity for twelve military widows to step away from the chaos of life and spend a few days to recharge, reflect, reach new adventurous heights and create friendships that could possibly last a lifetime.
The women arrived from all over the country- Minnesota, Georgia, Colorado, California, North Carolina, Virginia…and as far as Alaska- not sure what to expect in the days ahead. The first thing I noticed when I arrived at the huge Phoenix house they would call home for the weekend was how quickly the ladies had connected with each other. The bonding was immediate and deep because of their stories of love, and ultimately loss of their military hero husbands.
“Surviving the Holidays without Losing Your Mind!” was the workshop I had prepared to facilitate; but learned quickly these twelve women would teach me far more about life, loss and survival than I could ever teach them.
Here are a few of the things I hope to always remember from twelve of the braves people I know:
*whether it’s been three months or ten years since the tragedy, grief can still be intense with unexpected waves of emotion.
*suggesting her hero is in a better place; or telling a widow, “you’re young. You can marry again,” are top of the not-recommended- comment list.
* “grief can feel like PMS,” was my favorite quote of the day.
* helping in specific ways, as in “I’d love to bring you dinner tonight, rake your yard, or put your kids through college,” [oops, I added the last one] will likely bring a smile to her face.
* suggesting she should, “be over it by now” is a) ridiculous, and b) hurtful. Closure is for bank accounts. Not love accounts.
* taking her kids shopping before Mother’s day or Christmas are outstanding ideas.
* understanding she might not be up to extensive travel or “forced merriment,” will free her up to make the best decision for herself and her children this holiday season.
* acknowledging anniversaries, birthdays and other significant days reminds her she hasn’t been forgotten.
* spending time with her son, doing ‘man things,’ is invaluable.
* it’s OK to cry. It’s also OK to laugh. Inviting her to see Madea’s Christmas might be a great idea. Or not.
* stories, memories and photos of her hero are cherished treasures. Please share them. Telling his life story helps shift the mental focus from the sadness surrounding his death- to the goodness of his life.
*even if she looks really pretty (see photograph) and appears to have it all together, she could still be grieving deeply. Keep asking. Keep calling.
Thank you, American Widow Project friends for helping me see a little glimpse into your world. Your honesty, strength and willingness to share your journeys inspired me more than you know.
God’s peace to you and your family this holiday season, my friends.
This weekend twelve ladies from all over the country have stepped away from their busy lives to meet up in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona. The event is the American Widow Project Inner Peace Getaway. The getaway has been carefully planned to provide a refreshing atmosphere, and a place for military widows to connect with others who understand. Yesterday, after a challenging hike to Piestewa Peak, the ladies dressed up for a special and well-deserved night on the town.
I am honored beyond words to be part of this weekend- and can not wait to meet up with the group this afternoon. My hope is that each honored guest will feel the love~ and a little less frazzled this holiday season as we look at:
*creative ways to honor and remember your hero,
*surviving the holidays without losing your mind; and
*what to do when grief feels like crazy!
I want to say a giant word of thanks to Danielle Schafer and Erin Dructor, for all your hard work to make the Inner Peace Getaway happen. You ladies are the best!!
To find out more, and make it possible for more military survivors to attend an AWP getaway, please visit AmericanWidowProject.org.
Whether it’s a scary medical diagnosis, the loss of a relationship or the death of someone you love, a traumatic season can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Before you pull the covers over your head and decide to hibernate till spring, or start sipping tequila before breakfast…stop! You are not alone.
These three simple steps can help you maintain your sanity when life turns upside down.
Say What You Need to Say. When cool weather hits may it might be tempting to get cozy at home, and ultimately end up facing a crushing situation with no outside help. The problem with isolation comes when you start believing the little voice whispering in your head. The lying, conniving voice telling you, “Nobody understands. Life will always be this painful. Or worst of all, nobody cares about you.” Don’t believe the lies.
In his extraordinary book, Overwhelmed Perry Noble puts it this way, “… whatever is tearing you up inside, stop hiding it. The sooner you ask for help and admit you need other people, the sooner you will find relief.” To connect with someone who can help visit NewSpring Care.
Just Say Yes. For those of us who like to be in control, a chaotic season can feel downright terrifying. It’s difficult for many of us to graciously receive love and support (I’m definitely preaching to myself here) when we’d rather be the one fixing the problem. Would you consider just saying yes? Saying yes to a friend who offers to keep the kids a couple hours so you can have a little time to catch your breath? Saying yes to the neighbor who wants to bring you some warm vegetable soup? Last week my very kind Chiropractor/friend found out I had lost a close family member. She could sense it had been a pretty intense day, and offered me a 30 minute massage from her massage therapist. Instead of my usual, “no thanks- I’m good!’ auto-response, I accepted her kind gift, and answered, "that would be wonderful.” And it was. Saying yes, even when it’s uncomfortable is an excellent way to stay strong through a traumatic chapter of life.
Be Still. Tomorrow morning, rather than hitting the ground running, would you take a few moments to be still? Could you wake up up fifteen minutes early, find a quiet cozy place away from the noise and chaos; and spend the first precious moments of your day with the Lord? Psalm 34:18 promises, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” You can believe Him.
For anyone who is facing a fresh, or maybe not so fresh season of grief, I invite you to try out the new Grief Survivor 8 day study on YouVersion.
If you’ve been going through a difficult season recently, how have you coped? We would love to hear about your survival skills. Please join in the conversation on the Grief Survivor Facebook page.
Would you like to do something to honor and thank our courageous US Military personnel and their families? Here are a couple outstanding organizations you might want to join forces with this Veteran’s Day!
The American Widow Project was founded by Taryn Davis, after the shocking death of her husband, Captain Michael Davis. This extraordinary organization currently serves over 1500 military widows and widowers. The Wall Street Journal recently told the AWP’s story in this excellent article. One of my favorite outreaches the AWP offers are “getaways” hosted all over the country. These long weekends provide a chance for US military widows to get away together, have some fun and begin to heal. See more here.
Another phenomenal organization is Hire a Hero. The name alone gives me chills. I love the way they have created a network connecting courageous military heroes who have returned home after deployment, with outstanding job opportunities. Do you have a great job that could be filled by a veteran? Check out Hire a Hero today!
Do you have ways you plan to honor a veteran today? We would love to hear your ideas!
Thank You, Veterans! We honor you and can never thank you enough.