lizgmarshall

It was a perfect day for skiing- powder snow conditions, not a cloud in the sky…and the last run of the day-  (which the ambulance driver informed me is how 100% of his guests describe their former skiing situation).

The ski patrol toboggan and ambulance ride were not nearly as glamorous as the movies make them out to be.Then came the diagnosis. The bone was crushed. Crushed? Doctor, isn’t there a less barbaric way you could put that? Crushed, he repeated- “like powder." 

When a leg or arm or shoulder is broken, the thought of trying to repair it on our own sounds ridiculous. So why in the world would we attempt to mend up a broken heart with no outside help?

When life has been turned upside down, the last thing many of us want to do is to be a burden, or let anyone know we’re struggling. That was my story. After losing close family members, I figured I would keep smiling and pretending everything was OK. The ironic part with trying to masquerade as Superman or Superwoman is that: a) you’re not; and b) you will likely end up even more shattered and isolated. 

In his compelling book, Overwhelmed – Pastor Perry Noble puts it like this, ”…whatever is tearing you up inside, stop hiding it. The sooner you ask for help and admit you need other people, the sooner you will find relief.“  Wow. Perry, you are so right. 

Philippians 4:18 promises that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and that He will save us when we are crushed in spirit. Regardless of your faith- would you consider asking God to help? He will. 

What about you?  If you’re feeling crushed right now, are you trying to fix the brokenness without any help? Who is someone you could talk with today? I would love to hear your thoughts here. 

“Time is passing yet for the United States of America there will be no forgetting September 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family who lives in grief. We will remember the fire and ash, the last phone calls the funerals of the children.”   President George W. Bush

 "[God will]…bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.“      from Isaiah 61:3 

You’re the only one who can determine how a season of grief will look. There’s no formula for the right way to grieve. As long as you’re not injuring yourself or anyone else, you’re doing fine. As you take your first steps toward healing, remember:

• When you feel like crying, cry.

• You may feel more relief than sadness right now. That’s OK, too.

• If reminiscing and sharing stories about your loved one makes you laugh, by all means do it.

• Steer clear of people and events that leave you anxious and exhausted. Choosing your activities and company wisely can prevent unnecessary stress.

• It’s OK to say yes to the best, and no to the rest.

• White space on your calendar doesn’t mean you’re lazy.

• There’s no need to apologize. You are the boss of your schedule.

In my toughest seasons of grief I wish someone had told me I was going to make it… and things wouldn’t always be this intense!

                     What do you wish someone had told you?

                                     GriefSurvivor.com 

Today would have been my grand mom- Nana’s birthday. Early this morning I received this email from my awesome Aunt Linda.  

“This would have been Nana’s birthday. She was born in 1905, love you all! Linda”

Nana would be 109 today. And we still miss her!! 

Here’s an excerpt from my new book, Grief Survivor~ 28 Steps toward Hope and Healing: 

                                 Are We There Yet?  

If you took road trips as a child, you probably remember the question parents forever answer: ”Are we there yet?”  As you regain your equilibrium you may wonder:

 How long does grief take? As long as it takes. Each person has their own timeline and unique way of coping with loss.

 Will I always miss my loved one? Probably so. But, hopefully over time the time of deep ache will be become more bearable, and memories of the person you’re missing will become gentle reminders of the impact they made in your life. Embrace it. It’s OK to always miss them.

 Why are people rushing me? People, especially those who have never lost someone close may make insensitive comments about your how long your mourning lasts. If someone is in a hurry for you to “be yourself again,” remember they did not experienced your relationship with the person you’re missing. Take as long as you need.

What about closure? In the words of international grief specialist, Robert Neimeyer, PhD, “closure is for bank accounts, not for love accounts.“ The purpose of grief is not to “get over it,” but to get through the emotions of sorrow, and move toward healing and a full life again.

                           ********************************************

As we remember Nana today, I’m grateful for the beautiful, strong, fun-loving woman who:  

– taught me to love the Atlanta Braves,    

– tried to teach us manners… oops!                                                        

– adored her crazy hooligan grand kids, no matter what, &                      

–  prayed (on her knees) for us every night.

Love you, Nana.  

Not everybody loves to write. For you, writing may feel too much like school. Before you decide you’re not a writer, thing about this.

Your journal:

• will not be graded,

• is for your eyes only, if that’s how you want it,

• doesn’t have to be perfect grammar or spelling,

• may be stained with tears, and that’s OK,

• might make you smile or laugh again, and that’s terrific,

• can be all pictures and no words.

Writing when life hurts is one of the healthiest ways to begin to heal. The emotions stuck in your heart now have a way to get out.

You can be completely honest about how you’re feeling. Sad? Angry? Relieved? Write about it.

If forgiveness needs to take place, writing is a powerful way to start the process. Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed with thankfulness to have had your loved one in your life. Write about the goodness.

Your journal doesn’t have to begin and end here. In a few months or years you may want to add to the story. It’s encouraging to read back through your writing and realize the point when your heart began to mend. 

Call if you need anything! 

You may have heard the well-intended offer, but chances are you never called back. Here’s a straightforward way to communicate exactly what you need.

As you think of something you would appreciate help with, write it on your list. Post it on the fridge. Your list might include:

• watching the children for a couple hours,

• raking the leaves,

• technical assistance with the computer,

• driving carpool,

• setting up bills for automatic payment.

Whenever something comes to mind, add it to the list. The next time someone asks how to help, snap a photo of the list and send it to them via text or email. If you don’t use technology, keep the list closeby so you’ll have ideas when someone asks. When people know specifically what you need, they are able to reach out to make your life a little less complicated.  

One newly widowed woman shared her list with a church friend. One day 10 people showed up to clean gutters, move boxes and rake her yard. The entire list was knocked out in an afternoon. What a beautiful reminder that she hadn’t been forgotten!   

What would go on your list right now?