Grief Survivor

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lizgmarshall

20 seconds of insane courage

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Have you ever permanently opted out of something after one too many bad breaks?

For me it was hiking. In the ER after breaking my third leg (not kidding) on a rocky, slippery trail… I kissed hiking goodbye. No more. I’m out. It’s just not worth it.

That was until today when Ava the Avalon and I slammed on brakes at the Linville Falls sign. The hike down to the falls was not terribly treacherous, but was magnificent. The “20 seconds of insane courage” it took to hike the first step on the unknown trail was pure terror and sweet exhilaration. I was finally ready for fear to stop bossing me around.

What fears have you overcome? Roller coasters? Quitting the job that wasn’t sparking joy anymore? Dating? Failure?

What would you do with 20 seconds of insane courage?

I want to encourage you to

Do the thing.

Start the business

Call the guy (or girl)

Take the hike.

God’s got this and He’s got You.

Miracles in the Madness

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It’s no secret, the past couple years have been a bit of a dumpster fire for a lot of us. Whether it was a terrifying medical diagnosis, family trauma, pandemic stress, or something else- you may have wondered how in the world you would get through it. 

I get it.

A few years ago, it felt as though there was no escaping the waves of adversity that started washing over me, and just wouldn’t stop. Maybe, you know the feeling.

  • The first mishap was breaking my leg. It was actually my third broken leg. Seriously, who breaks 3 legs? Mercy.
  • Then came the dental discovery that a beloved front tooth had a fracture above the gum line.  
  • Next was the monstrous tree, just feet from our house- uprooted by tornado-ish winds. 
  • And, then on December 23rd, a flying (rein)deer crashed into my car, shattering two windows. [The “grandma got run over by a reindeer” joke was, in my opinion, a bit Too Soon.] 

Through it all, I know it sounds a little crazy, but God was really good.  Even in one of the hardest years ever, there seemed to be miracles hidden in the madness. 

A few highlights:

The Lord healed the busted leg to the point of being able to do pretty much everything (except, according to the surgeon, play rugby). 

A superhero periodontist not only rescued me from a life with no front tooth, but she also made me smile again. 

We were spared from a tree crashing through our bedroom. And were able to make the most of the situation. 

When the flying reindeer annihilated my car, and removed the window that was inches from my face- I walked away without a scratch. Straight up miraculous. 

All that to say, “God is still God; and God is still Good. To God be the glory!”     quote cred: Zac Smith.

If you’re going through more than you could have imagined, I want to remind you- you’re not alone. God sees you. He loves you. He’s never ever going to leave you.

Even in the madness, never stop looking for miracles.

Never Saw that Coming

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Six weeks ago, I spent a few days at the coast with a dear friend, wrapping up the first draft manuscript for the new book, Uncrushed: real steps for healing your grief and restoring your joy. I remember thinking, “girl, this book’s ready to go, nothing more to see here… you nailed it.” 

That was until the last night of my visit when my friend asked if I would read the book aloud to her. Whaaat? That’s crazy, I quickly responded. No way. I finally agreed to read some of the chapters, even though it felt super awkward. It didn’t take long to discover the value of reading your stuff out loud to someone you trust. 

Back to the story

Uncrushed intentionally starts out as real, light, and inviting as humanly possible for a grief-relief book. 

Twenty minutes in, I began to read the chapter that I had almost omitted- the part about my beloved dad’s painful battle with diagnosed, yet untreated mental illness, that led to what felt like a total collapse of our family.   

That’s the moment I started to cry… reading my own words. I never saw those tears coming. 

My precious friend gently suggested, “you’re not fully healed from that pain, are you?”

She was so right. It had never occurred to me that the deep grief and trauma our family experienced was something that still needed healing. 

Thankfully, I’ve been able to connect with a gifted counselor who’s been helping me deal with the “uncried tears” around my dad’s illness.

The book writing process has been teaching me a lot:  

  • letting people in doesn’t mean you’re weak. It takes strength to admit you’re drowning.
  • it’s never ever too late for the Lord to heal your heart.
  • reading your stuff aloud is actually not weird. Unless you’re in Starbucks like I am right now. Then it’s weird.

I’m happy to tell you my precious dad was ultimately able to get the help he needed and restore a lot of what was lost. Thank you, Lord. 

I want to remind you that whatever you’re dealing with right now matters. There is no anxiety, loss, depression, heart ache, or pain that is too small or too big for the Lord to touch. 

Make the call. Tell a friend. Connect with a counselor. You’re worth it. We were never designed to go through the wonderful days or the difficult ones alone. 

How may we pray for you today?  I invite you to stop by my FaceBook page and join in the conversation. You are not alone.

Special Edition Grief Survivor Book!

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Hey friends- I’m sorry it’s been a minute since sharing stories here, but I’ve been working really hard on the newest book- Uncrushed: real steps for healing your grief and restoring your joy. Lots of more info will be coming soon- please stay tuned!

In the meantime, I’m so excited about this new Special Edition of Grief Survivor, with bonus chapters. The only place to get your hands on this book is right here on the Grief Survivor site. We’re offering 20% off for the month of January- Promo code GS2022. (US shipping only, but International friends- the Kindle Grief Survivor edition is here for you! )

I pray you and your family are staying strong and healthy.

Grace and peace, Beth

Grieving through the Holidays

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If someone’s missing from the picture this holiday season, you’re probably wondering how in the world you’re going to make it through to January. You are not alone. It was just weeks before Thanksgiving the year my mom died suddenly. She had always been the fun crazy glue that held the holidays together. Then, a couple years later, my dad graduated to heaven on December 9th.

The holidays seemed like a really bad idea those years.

A Few Holiday Tips

Here are a few things I wish someone had told me during those first really tough holidays. Imagine December without a manic pace of cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping and endless events. You can be the boss of your holiday schedule, but it might take a little rethinking what you’ve always done and embracing a little extra white space on your calendar. 

If cooking, house guests or shopping spark joy for you, by all means go for it. But if there are parts of your holiday routine that multiply the madness, give yourself permission to stop the insanity! 

Schedule intentional evenings at home by the fire with your closest people. Say yes to the activities you love, and no to the rest. Being kind to yourself can create a sense of calm, even during a chaotic season. 

Keep Your Sanity

Spend more time with people and doing things that energize you- and less with any that  suck the living daylights out of  exhaust you.  

Keep it Fresh

Write the good stuff in a journal. Record sweet, serious or fun stories of the person you’re missing. 

Stories like the day my hilarious sister-in-law, Kay offered me the keys to her metallic purple dune buggy- to drive to high school! Clearly 7 of the coolest hours of my life!.  

And the time she (black belt in shopping and all things NYC) led a girl trip to The City for 2 days of Hard Rock Cafe, Broadway, Carmines and of course full-contact shopping! Good thing no brothers or husbands were invited on Kay’s girl trip. NY shopping would have felt like fishing with the game warden. 🙂 

We’ll never forget the joy you brought into every room, Kay!

This holiday season I hope you’ll create space for:  

* reminiscing, looking through old photos, and finding memorable holiday recipes.

* cooking up one of those yummy recipes, grabbing a warm beverage and curling up by the fire.

* telling, retelling and celebrating the stories of the person you’re missing. They’re much too important to be forgotten! 

The Lord really is close to the brokenhearted- and will rescue us when our spirits are crushed. (Psalm 34:18) If you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief right now, asking someone to pray with and for you is a great idea.

If you or someone you love could use a little extra encouragement through the holidays, this Grief Survivor Kindle edition book is now available.

What plans do you and your closest people have for this holiday season? Do you have any traditions you hope to continue, or a new one you plan to start?

Please share your ideas in the comments.

Shining On

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It’s hard to believe it’s been 22 years this week since my best friend/ mom, Beazy’s sudden death. She and her cute, then newlywed husband Herb, (aka Herbie the Love Bug) were living their best life nestled in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

That fall, my brothers, sisters and extended family were left wondering, “What would Beazy do right now with the holidays rapidly approaching?!

Here’s what I know. She would:

  • turn up the music and cook up all things pumpkin spice.
  • make a plan and gather her closest humans for a fabulous meal and lots of laughs. 
  • dress all the small people in her hand-smocked holiday dresses and smocked jumpsuits superhero outfits for the little boys. 
  • open her home to anyone who didn’t have family in town.
  • remind us of her signature statement, “no problem with Beazy.” 
  • make sure the people she loved the most knew it. Every single day. 

This week, my plan is to celebrate Beazy by stirring up some kind of pumpkin spice creation, hearing the fall leaves crackle under my feet, laughing more, letting my closest people know how much I love them.

Shine On, Mom!

How about you?

How do you honor and remember your beloved person on significant days or holidays? Please share your creative, thoughtful, fun, or even delicious ideas in the comments.

Also, if you’re needing a little encouragement right now, I invite you to give this podcast with the amazing Colleen Kavanaugh a listen. It’s full of creative ways to prepare your heart, home, and family for the holidays, after loss.