Beth G. Marshall

lizgmarshall

Never Saw that Coming

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Six weeks ago, I spent a few days at the coast with a dear friend, wrapping up the first draft manuscript for the new book, Uncrushed: real steps for healing your grief and restoring your joy. I remember thinking, “girl, this book’s ready to go, nothing more to see here… you nailed it.” 

That was until the last night of my visit when my friend asked if I would read the book aloud to her. Whaaat? That’s crazy, I quickly responded. No way. I finally agreed to read some of the chapters, even though it felt super awkward. It didn’t take long to discover the value of reading your stuff out loud to someone you trust. 

Back to the story

Uncrushed intentionally starts out as real, light, and inviting as humanly possible for a grief-relief book. 

Twenty minutes in, I began to read the chapter that I had almost omitted- the part about my beloved dad’s painful battle with diagnosed, yet untreated mental illness, that led to what felt like a total collapse of our family.   

That’s the moment I started to cry… reading my own words. I never saw those tears coming. 

My precious friend gently suggested, “you’re not fully healed from that pain, are you?”

She was so right. It had never occurred to me that the deep grief and trauma our family experienced was something that still needed healing. 

Thankfully, I’ve been able to connect with a gifted counselor who’s been helping me deal with the “uncried tears” around my dad’s illness.

The book writing process has been teaching me a lot:  

  • letting people in doesn’t mean you’re weak. It takes strength to admit you’re drowning.
  • it’s never ever too late for the Lord to heal your heart.
  • reading your stuff aloud is actually not weird. Unless you’re in Starbucks like I am right now. Then it’s weird.

I’m happy to tell you my precious dad was ultimately able to get the help he needed and restore a lot of what was lost. Thank you, Lord. 

I want to remind you that whatever you’re dealing with right now matters. There is no anxiety, loss, depression, heart ache, or pain that is too small or too big for the Lord to touch. 

Make the call. Tell a friend. Connect with a counselor. You’re worth it. We were never designed to go through the wonderful days or the difficult ones alone. 

How may we pray for you today?  I invite you to stop by my FaceBook page and join in the conversation. You are not alone.

Special Edition Grief Survivor Book!

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Hey friends- I’m sorry it’s been a minute since sharing stories here, but I’ve been working really hard on the newest book- Uncrushed: real steps for healing your grief and restoring your joy. Lots of more info will be coming soon- please stay tuned!

In the meantime, I’m so excited about this new Special Edition of Grief Survivor, with bonus chapters. The only place to get your hands on this book is right here on the Grief Survivor site. We’re offering 20% off for the month of January- Promo code GS2022. (US shipping only, but International friends- the Kindle Grief Survivor edition is here for you! )

I pray you and your family are staying strong and healthy.

Grace and peace, Beth

Grieving through the Holidays

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If someone’s missing from the picture this holiday season, you’re probably wondering how in the world you’re going to make it through to January. You are not alone. It was just weeks before Thanksgiving the year my mom died suddenly. She had always been the fun crazy glue that held the holidays together. Then, a couple years later, my dad graduated to heaven on December 9th.

The holidays seemed like a really bad idea those years.

A Few Holiday Tips

Here are a few things I wish someone had told me during those first really tough holidays. Imagine December without a manic pace of cooking, decorating, entertaining, shopping and endless events. You can be the boss of your holiday schedule, but it might take a little rethinking what you’ve always done and embracing a little extra white space on your calendar. 

If cooking, house guests or shopping spark joy for you, by all means go for it. But if there are parts of your holiday routine that multiply the madness, give yourself permission to stop the insanity! 

Schedule intentional evenings at home by the fire with your closest people. Say yes to the activities you love, and no to the rest. Being kind to yourself can create a sense of calm, even during a chaotic season. 

Keep Your Sanity

Spend more time with people and doing things that energize you- and less with any that  suck the living daylights out of  exhaust you.  

Keep it Fresh

Write the good stuff in a journal. Record sweet, serious or fun stories of the person you’re missing. 

Stories like the day my hilarious sister-in-law, Kay offered me the keys to her metallic purple dune buggy- to drive to high school! Clearly 7 of the coolest hours of my life!.  

And the time she (black belt in shopping and all things NYC) led a girl trip to The City for 2 days of Hard Rock Cafe, Broadway, Carmines and of course full-contact shopping! Good thing no brothers or husbands were invited on Kay’s girl trip. NY shopping would have felt like fishing with the game warden. 🙂 

We’ll never forget the joy you brought into every room, Kay!

This holiday season I hope you’ll create space for:  

* reminiscing, looking through old photos, and finding memorable holiday recipes.

* cooking up one of those yummy recipes, grabbing a warm beverage and curling up by the fire.

* telling, retelling and celebrating the stories of the person you’re missing. They’re much too important to be forgotten! 

The Lord really is close to the brokenhearted- and will rescue us when our spirits are crushed. (Psalm 34:18) If you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief right now, asking someone to pray with and for you is a great idea.

If you or someone you love could use a little extra encouragement through the holidays, this Grief Survivor Kindle edition book is now available.

What plans do you and your closest people have for this holiday season? Do you have any traditions you hope to continue, or a new one you plan to start?

Please share your ideas in the comments.

Shining On

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It’s hard to believe it’s been 22 years this week since my best friend/ mom, Beazy’s sudden death. She and her cute, then newlywed husband Herb, (aka Herbie the Love Bug) were living their best life nestled in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

That fall, my brothers, sisters and extended family were left wondering, “What would Beazy do right now with the holidays rapidly approaching?!

Here’s what I know. She would:

  • turn up the music and cook up all things pumpkin spice.
  • make a plan and gather her closest humans for a fabulous meal and lots of laughs. 
  • dress all the small people in her hand-smocked holiday dresses and smocked jumpsuits superhero outfits for the little boys. 
  • open her home to anyone who didn’t have family in town.
  • remind us of her signature statement, “no problem with Beazy.” 
  • make sure the people she loved the most knew it. Every single day. 

This week, my plan is to celebrate Beazy by stirring up some kind of pumpkin spice creation, hearing the fall leaves crackle under my feet, laughing more, letting my closest people know how much I love them.

Shine On, Mom!

How about you?

How do you honor and remember your beloved person on significant days or holidays? Please share your creative, thoughtful, fun, or even delicious ideas in the comments.

Also, if you’re needing a little encouragement right now, I invite you to give this podcast with the amazing Colleen Kavanaugh a listen. It’s full of creative ways to prepare your heart, home, and family for the holidays, after loss.

Did he really just say, “You shouldn’t feel sad”?

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Ever had a day where a tidal wave knocks you down before your first cup of coffee? Then, just as you regain your balance, a bigger wave slams you right back under? Yep, me too. 

At the moment, five of our closest twelve family members have tested positive for the gnarly disease our world has been wrestling for what seems like forever.    

It reached a point where I was terrified to check my phone as we quickly went from 25% to 33% of our family affected, and now who knows the percentage as several more await test results. 

Struggling to take in the barrage of hard news, I made a comment to a friend that all this medical mess was making me really sad. His response was quick, “you shouldn’t feel sad.” He went on to explain all the reasons I shouldn’t feel sad. The symptoms could be worse, these kids and adults are all otherwise healthy… the list went on.  While those things were true, my sadness was also very real, as several of my closest humans on the planet are dealing with this scary and unpredictable disease.    

Permission to Feel what You Feel 

This well-intended encounter reminded me of a few things that ring true when grief, in whatever form, sneaks into your life: 

  • It’s OK to feel sad.  I grew up in a wildly optimistic environment, where it was OK to cry for a minute, but then your options were to a) get a band aid, or b) call an ambulance, or c) go jump on the trampoline. “Don’t worry. Be happy” was the soundtrack of my childhood, so believe me when I say I’m still figuring out how to hold sadness and hope simultaneously; but I fully believe both can coexist.      
  • Squashing emotions can lead to unhealthy coping strategies: mega doses of Oreos, tequila, Netflix binges, or whatever else feels good for a minute. 
  • Comments about what someone should or shouldn’t feel when they’ve been crushed by bad news can make them feel shut down, dismissed, or that what they’re feeling isn’t valid.
  • Inadvertently dropping this kind of comment, while I’m in the thick of writing a grief book, could likely become a chapter title! Thank you.

Ever need a “grief sesh?”

My lovely Instagram friends, Sal and Im, (Good Mourning Podcast co-hosts from Sydney) have come up with a name for an intense time of sadness, when you intentionally lean into everything you’re feeling- and allow yourself time and space to shamelessly deep dive into all the emotions. The Grief Sesh. Thank you, ladies for giving it a name, and letting the world know it’s OK to feel sadness.

The third day, as Covid diagnoses kept pouring in, I traveled to be (socially distant) closer to one of our kids. After a day full of running around to gather groceries, and anything I could imagine that might be comforting, I returned to my hotel. With no warning, the tears started to flow, and I was suddenly swept up into my first grief sesh in a long time. Goodness, I needed that. As I woke the next morning, it felt as though a refreshing rain had washed over my soul.

Quick family update: At this point, our five family members are together, making the best of this hard situation. Please pray with us for our “quaran-team” – for healing, strength, and that they return to 100% awesomeness really soon.        Love, Beth

17 months later…

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Who could have imagined seventeen months ago that an invisible virus would come in like a wrecking ball and change every single thing we know? One moment you’re feeling fine, and in an instant- a tsunami of tears and isolation is washing over you.

The unforeseen pandemic, involuntary homeschooling, social distancing storm surge our planet experienced felt a lot like grief!

I’m praying hard that the recent increase in daily numbers is a temporary setback, and will end soon. In the meantime here are a few takeaways I noticed:

1) Grief (and a scary pandemic) sometimes feel like crazy. Social distancing and quarantine are super weird. We’re not used to living life without human contact! But, even if your sleep, appetite, patience and entire world felt upside down. it doesn’t mean you were crazy. You were probably grieving. Grief and crazy look a lot alike.

2) The season we just went through felt like swimming in peanut butter. Over those tough months, many of us discovered that it was OK to slow down a little, take a breath, take a nap, go to bed early, and step away a steady diet of scary news. Those things are still awesome.

3) With the controversy swirling around masks/ not masks; vaccines/ not vaccines…I’ve realized that being kind is more important than being right.

4) Taking a little time early in the morning to read, meditate, or pray can help you crush anxious thoughts.

I’m not sure if faith is a big deal in your life or not. For me it is. Here’s why.

36 years ago during a devastating family crisis, my world felt out of control. It was impossible to focus at work, and I was dangerously close to a major breakdown. One morning, in the midst of the painful chaos, I cried out with a desperate prayer. “Jesus, I don’t know if you are real or not; but if you are I need you. I can’t do this by myself anymore. Please come into my life.” And He did.

I wish I could tell you the family train wreck suddenly vanished, but that’s not how it worked out. What did happen was pretty miraculous, though. I realized there were people who wanted to help me, and that I was not alone.

If you’re feeling isolated right now, for whatever reason, I encourage you to reach out to someone. If you aren’t currently comfortable meeting face-to-face for coffee, give someone a phone or virtual call. Something life-giving and beautiful happens when we invite someone in to our pain.

And if you don’t have anyone to pray for you… I’m right here. ([email protected])

One of the simplest, yet most profound prayers I know comes from John Eldredge, “Jesus I give everyone and everything to You.” That pretty much covers it.

Jesus, I give everyone and everything to You. Amen.