Beazy and Herb (the love bug)
Here’s is a tiny sample from Uncrushed: real steps toward healing your grief and restoring your joy. Hope it gives you a few ideas for remembering and honoring the unique person you’re missing.
Secret Weapons for Getting Unstuck
Have you ever gotten so caught up in mourning, you weren’t sure you’d ever find your way out? I surely have. It had been four months since my mom’s hit-me-like-a-speeding-train sudden death. I could have won an Academy Award for my acting, trying to convince the world I was dominating this grief thing.
At the time of my mom, Beazy’s death, I was in year twenty of my twenty-five year career with Delta Airlines. My favorite part of the Delta adventure was flying international trips, especially to Munich, Germany. Interacting with a jumbo jet full of strangers, and working alongside different flight attendants and pilots every week were sweet distractions from the sorrow. It was much less stressful to make small talk at Oktoberfest in my broken German, than to have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone who knew me. Work was an easy place to hide.
The most difficult days were spent at home, alone with my thoughts. Home is where the intense reality of grief got my full attention.
One morning, I remember feeling a nudge from the Lord to write about my mom. Write about her? Really? How cool, I thought. I’d love to, but my mind is so foggy right now. God, You’re going to have to help me remember things… and He did.
I started to write. For two solid hours I hardly moved a muscle, as long ago and recent memories poured out on the tear-stained pages of my prayer journal.
I wrote about the day she called me in my dorm at the University of Georgia, ecstatic that she’d invited the entire Emory University Dental Fraternity to our house for Thanksgiving Dinner. We had a dental student friend from California, who was not able to go home for Thanksgiving. Why not invite him and all of his hot (oops, I meant to say “dedicated,”) soon-to-be-dentist friends to share the holiday? I have no idea what the turkey tasted like that year, but it was a Thanksgiving I’ll never forget. Well done, Beazy.
In my journal, I wrote every sweet, embarrassing, serious, and hilarious memory I could recall. As decades of stories filled the pages, I began to smile and even laugh through the tears. As I wrote, I noticed my tears of sadness were slowly becoming tears of thankfulness for the rare and extraordinary woman we called Beazy.
How about you?
Do you have a place you can write your person’s story? You don’t need an expensive journal. A spiral notebook like mine will work just fine. As you prepare to write, think about a memorable story that’s too important to forget. I encourage you to write about the good, the bad, the happy and sad- whatever’s on your mind right now.
While I don’t know your story, I do know that remembering is one of the most beautiful ways for deep healing to begin.